YOU ARE VIEWING GROUP 6 OF THE CLEAN JOKES

The Sin of Lying

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

The Gate Is Broken

St. Peter was checking the gate beween Heaven and Hell and found a broken hinge. He walked over to the "Pit" and called to the Devil...The Devil says, "Yeah, whaddya want..?", St. Peter: "The hinge is broken and it's your turn to fix it.." . The Devil retorted: "Gee, I am a bit busy and don't have anyone available for this.." , St. Peter got angry, "Look, we have an agreement, and it's your turn to fix the gate..!" , The Devil responded, "Sorry Pete, it's our peak season and there just isn't anyone available..." St. Peter turned red and exclaimed..."Ok, if that's the way you want it, we'll sue..!" A big grin broke out on the Devil's face, "Oh yeah, and just where are you going to find a lawyer...?!"

Neighbors in Montana

A sucessful business man became disenchanted with the stress of the fast life in the big city and decides to chuck it all. He takes his savings and purchases a large ranch in the middle of nowhere in Montana. After a couple of months of enjoying the solitude he hears the drumming of hoofbeats outside his cabin. Grabbing his rifle he challenges the man riding up on the horse. "Hold it neighbor" the man says, " I'm your neighbor, I have a ranch only 6 miles from here, and I want to invite you to a Welcome Party I'm throwing for you next Saturday. There's going to be music, dancing, hugging, kissing, drinking, fighting.... We'll have a great time". Not wanting to be unneighborly the new rancher lowers the rifle and ask's " How should I dress?" " Aw, don't matter" replied the neighbor, " Only gonna be the two of us".

Golden Saloon

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell  have you been all night?" she demands.

"At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - hell, even the urinal's gold!"

The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone  book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the  place to check her husband's story.

"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
"Yes it is," bartender answers.
"Do you have huge golden doors?"
"Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?"
"Most certainly do."
"What  about golden urinals?"
There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!

Collecting Snails For Dinner Party

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important  guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any  snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down  the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails , he  noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little  further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails.  All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right  over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together. At seven o'clock the next  morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!" He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails.  There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a  very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all  this time.  He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then  back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!!"